It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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