There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
