How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
