Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
