he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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