Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize