my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
