Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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