miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
