I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
