Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
