She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
