I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Randomize
