we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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