i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
