3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize