Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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