Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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