do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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