he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
