So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize