I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
