it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
