Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
