i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
