Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
