The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
