Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
