and next time when you feel me up, do it right
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
