That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
