Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
