I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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