we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
