I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
