i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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