Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
