Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the day after is always just damage control
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize