New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's the barista slut.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
