I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
