I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
