uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
