hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
