if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
