I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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