omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
