i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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