how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
