I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
