Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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