Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize