I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
