He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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