for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
