My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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