I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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