You're my little dorito
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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