How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize