Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
