i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
