Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
