3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
