i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
