Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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