I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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