Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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