I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize