...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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