Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
