i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
