dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
