on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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