He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i think my cat just said my name.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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