Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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