You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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